Where to begin? Certainly not with Gove’s ill-defined ‘British Values’ because as an arch right wing Tory, Gove’s British values will turn out to be nothing more than a rehash of neo-liberal, corporatist ideology mixed up with some fading British imperialist jingoism and a splash of so called ‘common sense’ Anglo-Saxon Christianity. No, the starting point should more appropriately be with Richard Dawkin’s assertion that all religious indoctrination of children is tantamount to child abuse.

Imagine the terror a young child will undergo having been told by some stern religious instructor, bearded or otherwise, be he Christian, Jewish, Sikh, Hindu or Muslim, that any deviation from divinely sent religious texts could result in eternal damnation in a fiery hell. Or consider a young person who is busy discovering his or her sexuality, being told in no uncertain terms that homosexuality is an abomination of God’s will and will not be tolerated under any circumstances. Or even more bizarre still, that the Earth is just 10,000 years old and was the handiwork of an omniscient god who decided at a whim to place dinosaurs and man on the same planet at the very same time. No bothering with three and a half billion years of evolution for this omnipotent deity.

The damage this sort of superstitious religious diktat can do to the young, formative mind is incalculable, yet this sort of medieval nonsense is being churned out in British schools on a daily basis and is certainly not confined to Islamic schools or schools supposedly under the influence of an Islamic agenda. No Mr Gove, the essence of the problem lies not with a few over- zealous Islamic elders pushing their flat- Earth gobbledegook, but in religion per se and the abject failure of successive British governments to clearly demarcate between a rigorously secular education and dearly held individual religious beliefs. And so long as the British state is prepared to fund and sanction religious schools, of any persuasion, the British State is in no position, moral or otherwise, to launch a witch hunt against Islamic indoctrination. To do so would be blatantly discriminatory and counter-productive.

So what are these so called British values that Mr Gove pines for? At their very best they can be typified by the merciless satire of a ‘Spitting Image’ or a ‘Monty Python’ episode, or more recently, any number of stinging Steve Bell cartoons that regularly appear in The Guardian. In other words, the right and ability to ridicule all that is held dear and sacred by others but without resorting to personal venom and abuse. A fine line admittedly, but one the British have become quite adept at.. At their worst, so called British values can degenerate into all the usual bile, xenophobia, little England nationalism, cultural intolerance and personal invective. UKIP and the BNP comes readily to mind.

But satire and irreverence are not the sole preserve of the British. Even in the most repressive of societies, thinking individuals find ingenious ways and means of criticising and ridiculing the status quo. This turns out to be more a human trait than a purely British one. British politicians would be better off promoting universal human values in schools rather than conjuring up some sort of ill-defined, mythical ‘British values’. If ever there was a time to jettison narrow parochial national stereotypes, now would be it. It’s a set of global human values that is required Mr Gove, not a childish rehash of British imperialist propaganda.

If there is indeed such a thing as British values, which I seriously doubt , they comes as part of a set of wider Western values that, after centuries of religious dogma and bigotry, outright superstition, national hatreds, bloody imperialist rivalries, and plain racist intolerance of ‘the other’, have allowed western nations to finally live in some sort of harmony. If not harmony then at least a begrudging coexistence. A secular and broadly scientific education has just about trumped the religious sectarianism and superstitions of former times. But only just.

Tragically, it looks like Islam has learnt nothing from the past idiocies of Christianity and is intent on playing out the bloody fiasco of Shia and Sunni sectarianism. Until Islam rids itself of the entirely medieval notion of ‘infidel’, one fears it will be trapped for centuries more within this bloody and idiotic sectarian nightmare.

Islam is in desperate need of its own reformation but until that long overdue historical moment arrives, the West should do no more than to try and present a modern, fully functioning alternative. Unfortunately neither Gove or his potential Labour successors have the will or ideological clarity to create and sustain such a secular alternative. In fact, quite the opposite. Just the other day Cameron rather stupidly started to rant about Britain’s Christian culture. Absolute nonsense. If Britain is anything these days, it is decidedly irreligious, with just the thinnest of Christian veneers to give added gravitas to weddings, births and funerals. When it comes to the so called Christian holy days you will find the majority of Brits in the shopping malls, sports arenas or on their sofas vegetating in front of their flat screen, plasma TV’s. Anywhere, but decidedly not in places of religious worship. In these days of mindless consumerism, the shopping malls are the new cathedrals.

What needs to be done? Melissa Benn, in her powerful thesis in defence of the comprehensive school, is the most coherent voice in this area. In light of the recent Birmingham school revelations and allegations, Government should move to phase out all funding for religious schools and religious sponsored academies and place all available resources into a revamped comprehensive education for all students. I believe the French are closer to this ideal than most. Every child should be taught a national curriculum free from religious bias and dogma. But for those parents and communities who insist on instilling in their children those religious dogmas, they should be constitutionally guaranteed the right to do so, only strictly at their own expense and in their own time.
The lessons from Birmingham are crystal clear. All religious schools in Britain should be consigned to the historical dustbin along with their ancient tribal allegiances and their totally unscientific and childlike creation stories. Solely targeting the Islamic community is both discriminatory and self-defeating.

Religion, if it has any place in a modern, secular society, should be gently confined to the private sphere and most definitely taken out of the publicly funded domain. Failure to take this road will see countries like Britain sleepwalking into religious sectarianism while at the same time unwittingly giving succour to religious fanatics of all stripes and persuasions. Gove is clearly beyond hope. We await a rational and sane response from the Leader of the Opposition. Fat chance!